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I am a CPA, but even I was never even called in for an intervier for a job that matched exactly the experience and qualifications that the job wanted. I have been self employed for 8 years and got my LLC 3 years ago. This was supposed to be very temporary while he found a job so we could afford our own place. I have worked since i was 18 and 1/2 of that full time and half of that part-time. All of historys military commanders, Kings, and Emporers never had in their wildest dreams the strdength it takes some of us to walk back into our homes after work knowing that we will be welcomed with complaints and sinks full of dishes. He got fired from the first, and the one he currently has is minimum wage. As this is non-reversible. Im right there with u sister : ( But in the meantime DO SOMETHING, DO ANYTHING, feed your family. Hes gotten understandably frustrated and depressed, and his personality has changed so much. I, however, finished a degree, have maintained upward mobility, and now have full- and part-time jobs, both of which I enjoy. It also invites him to lay claim to certain realms where he feels more confident rather than feeling like youre handing him a chore chart. With just my income we are struggling as is, let alone paying rent. Or possibly same sex lesbian couples. I supported him for a year in the old place. You get the picture. But the more . With the latter two you may question why you are putting up with it and even tolerating the person when they are hardly working or not working at all more often. Yes- he is working hard on our action movie but there are other film makers whom also work to make their dreams come true. I absolutely cannot marry an unemployed man. I read your post, suicide? Eats all my food and i LITERALLY have to share everything with him! All of the struggle is worth it, to put a stop to the abuse. Some have become involuntary breadwinners, straining to care for everyone and everything with one lone paycheck. David, I think for most women with long-term unemployed spouses its not about being money-grubbing at all. I dont know what to do anymore !!! Even some of his debt is in my name. It does take awhile unfortunately, but it is the only way. Case is with insurance adjudication since 2011. Coping When Your Spouse is Unemployed - Focus on the Family I will pray for you partners and please lift me up in prayer. La. Really guys, really! I feel alone and resentful and frustrated. To start with I have never really seen him work hard before but hes had reasons. I am way old but am still learning about unsavory people with no problem using others. Dear all: If only I found this site 18 years ago. Were living on peanuts because the bills take up most of my pay, and my long battle with depression has flared up again, making life even harder to deal with. You are ASKING to remain abused in this way if you stay with him.beyond ridiculous on your part. Julia Fox, Paris Hilton, and More of the Bestest Party Pics This Week. Ugh reading all of these comments makes me think of my current woes. He was raised in a very traditional household where his mom was a homemaker. He wont even sign on and back the taxes that I pay for! Someone help me. he is not the father of my daughter. Its what I did and I make a decent salary (the only thing keeping us afloat right now). Hi Luzy, how is your situation going? I dont need to marry someone rich, honestly, Id be better off with a roommate! For my 2 children I have to work hard no matter how. Who feels for us ladies that are trying to make ends meet it is good life if you dont weaken. Then, whatever your partner does, give them kudos and keep letting go.. He was so frustrated and yelled he couldnt even go out for one night. Good luck, and hang in there. I feel everyones pain- the depression, the sadness, the resentment, the anger- my husband has anger issues, he truly has a lack of self control when it comes to his emotions. I have a good career, so there was no immediate pressure for her to find employment. He says he wants to marry me but hes currently jobless and living with his dad. She has a problem with anxiety and depression and the job she had and loved decided to automate all the duties that she wanted to do during her work day. I cant hear any sound from my rite hear. I am so tired of being the responsible one that I just really want him to go and I will take care of my family myself. He keeps intimating moving back home, but I dont want to. I dont thin he sees it from my side. You have done an amazing job of standing by your unemployed person's side despite the mental, physical, and spiritual turmoil . So fed up and exhausted working full time, cleaning, cooking, driving, taking dogs out, washing and ironing and shopping while he sits all day drinking beer and yet I get treated like its my fault and I should support him!! I do laundry, cook, clean, watch the kid and our dog. We have also been working on better communication and finding new ways to deal with anger..its all a process. At least youre making an effort! So do what you need to do for yourself because clearly they arent worrying about you. I meant to say in my last comment that I did (as opposed to didnt) eventually find work I apologize for the typo. It started in 1989 just after I married . How can you possibly give yourself a break at a time like this? You should have never quit your job. He gets defensive if I say anything or ask how hes prgressing. It is glad to know that we have a place to share our thought and feel. Three months after we got married he got fired from his job. And if hes really not trying, consider leaving before its too late. He agreed to the job and it was clearly explained what it would entail so its not like anyone twisted his arm or held a gun to his head or even mislead him about what would be involved. I really love him and have tried all the methods of encouragement, helping with starting new ventures all which led to nothing or no success or income. Unemployment rates are high on the rundown as one of lifes stress-inducing and mentally exhausting events. Half of the problem is that I honestly dont think he is searching that well notice I said WELL, not HARD he is trying hard, but has not searched for a job in nearly 15 years and is definitely not aware of current best practices. We just got a car and for a long time I was taking 3 kids 1,2,6 on the bus at 5 am to get them to.daycare them get on 2 buses and a train to get to work and the same to get home. No one can help you except yourself. My parents have been paying our rent and utilities for over a year, and if it werent for them, wed be homeless. I got so angry. Why put her through that for nothing? In fact, youd be better off leaving his employment status out of the conversation entirely, says Kathryn Lively, a sociology professor at Dartmouth College who has studied gender and its effects on emotional labor. The Best Street Style From Paris Fashion Week. He has no children and we are not married and Im realizing he may be a bachelor for reasons more complicated than I first imagined. I got big relapses in depression and pain. He was replaced with an #H1B contractor from India after working at that company for 10 years. Meanwhile, he watches tv, bought a very expensive motorcycle to go joy riding all summer (without discussing it with me), buys expensive scotch, etc like he still has a lucrative job or is independently wealthy. I can barely afford all of our expenses and we are living pay check to pay check. Ive been married 12 years to my wife.She brought 2 children into the relationship but that was okay.I loved them and raised them as my own.But 6 years into the marriage my wife lost her job and hasnt contributed financially ever since.At first I could carry the load until the financial crisis and then I lost my job.Since then Ive found a better job making more money but I still need her help.I think she went so long without working most employers over look her qualifications,I guess.We are drowning in debt.Im applying for a job that will take me away from home but Ill make more money than Im making now.I truly love my wife but I think its time for me to move on and find someone who is willing to work just as hard as me and not be stuck with someone who depends on me.Am I wrong?I know marriage is for better or worse but just keep thinking about the life I could have if I was with someone who is more independent and has less baggage. If you cant manage taking care of yourself with the gigs you have and rely on someone else, youre UNEMPLOYED!!!!!!!!! :( What should I do? But I was thankful he didnt get fired straight away. Ive spoken to him about it before but he has always somehow made it out as though Im being insensitive. I am at the end of my rope. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Now, dont get me wrong, I am all about improving skills. So glad i found this forum. He is actively looking it seems. I dont need him to provide for me so I can quit working, or to buy me lavish things. X. I have worked at a part time job for 6 years. These days, one of the most incessant nags of feminists is that husbands won't do half the housework. All together about these differences and how this impacts your marriage. I know it is not something I will be able to talk about when I get home, I will have to say it was boring or all I did was work (even though we are already planning lots of cocktails, sitting by the pool and massages). He will have no choice but to get out, or to pay. So it probably isnt a case of people not trying hard enough or not seriously looking for work. In many cases, there simply isnt work to be found unless you have some kind of specialty like a degree in the medical field or something. I asked him why you spent so much time on work that did not make money at the time we need money. Usually, you just need someone who is there to listen. I know some of the things you are thinking right now. Please do not lose hope! So we are paying close to $800 a month for health insurance and I am earning around $35,000 a year. I hope everything goes well from here. Its hard. So point is ladies, be careful around these types of men. First it was an industry crisis. Can u sell something uv never seen thats in Ghana which is another country that belongs to someone uv only talked to over the phone, to a guy sitting in US/UK/China or South Africa that is as flippin broke as u? Then yesterday he asks him to meet him just so he can tell him to quit bothering because he wont give him a job. Then if after all this, he STILL WONT GET A JOBYOU MUST LEAVE THIS MAN CHILD. Is he a good man or a lazy shit who pretends hes a good man just so you leave him alone, thats called playing you. he ask me to use my saving its been 10 months of our marriage i have been feeding him and his family. Im at my wits end. Some weeks he makes $80 and that goes right back into the gas tank. My husband finally does not deny his depression (he will never admit it but he will be silent instead of being defensive). Am I not looking at it from your perspective? If we have it he will find some way to spend it. My sister, at 49.5 years on February 2016, was finally diagnosed by Stadium 3 Breast cancer. You are just as intuitive, empathetic and caring as she is. Sometimes he suffers from depression but I just believe he has a drinking problem. Two boys have moved out but the third at 29 years old has moved back in with us. Answer (1 of 51): You can't fix people like this. Turns Out That the Husband's Job Is Probably the Best Predictor of Divorce. You can just search free behavioral health care in your state on Google. You might be the better upgraded version! I feel broken ya know? i have been supportive of my husband for the 3-4 years we been together. It is your home that you inhabit and your live that you must optimise for yourself and those that want to actively contribute to it. I tried to get a full-time job, but was turned down because I had been working part-time for too long. She has been off work for some time now and i have been trying to keep things together and stay ahead on payments and so on. Also try reaching out to your church family. Work together on problem-solving. I have a stressful job and everyone in my immediate family is either in jail or unemployed, so Im really tired of always being needed, of never getting a break. My husband has been unemployed for 4+ years. At least try ,prove to me I do matter in her world and understand I am breakable, This person tells me what a lousy partner I am whenever I suggest she spend some time looking for work or get new training. The researcher conducted extensive interviews with husbands who lost their jobs and their wives who picked up the pieces. Lived there 10 years all on my wages he did nothing except spend, spend, spend. I forgot so confused right now. The problem is he is 51 and has been unable to find another job. You have a gift for expressing yourself with words, you sound educated and wise. He has not had even 1 interview in the last 2 yrs at least and because I know not one person who has been unable to attain a job or at the very least an interview in that time period I am wondering now if I am being taken for a ride. My DH is a workaholic and works about 80 hours per week, I work full time 40 hours. Im truly sorry youre going through this. Plus, I still make the same pay since I started, which is near minimum wage. I have to stay strong for myself nowIve decided that to survive, I have to try to look after myself as best as I can. I just feel like its a vicious cycle that isnt getting better. My boyfriend has never been able to keep a job. My spouse has been unemployed for four years. But they just silly do it and use same CV for every job. Discuss a plan to make sure that both of your top priorities are being tended to. Did this man ever mature mentally and emotionally beyond the age of 18 to 20? He is always laid off. More than anything, I am so so so tired. I cant believe how healing and eye opening this article is. Parties with Guerlain, Margiela, and more. Terms of Service apply. Part of me wants to believe something will come. Praying were not all just casualties of the recession forever. Understand that over-indulgence is one of the most insidious forms of child abuse, according to Dr. Phil. His family is incredible. Even if you are not certain what you are experiencing is abuse or if you would not call it domestic violence, please consider contacting them, as they can offer help and advice. ! I want to jump out of my skin and slap that person silly. Well, I can relate. Yet despite paying a third of the rent and none of the bills, on his days off he will just play online and just wear boxer shorts. That evening, I lost it and yelled, What do you even do all day?. I agree its because most employers cant afford to take a chance on someone who raises red flags and might as well have a question mark about their reliability-dependability and whether they would even be any good tattooed to their forehead. That small step shows you value your partner. You know them. Its always that hes either under qualified, or overqualified. You can skip to the end and leave a response. IF he is NOT and is just laying around while YOU work.for YEARS.then something is seriously wrong with his character and you should probably get away as fast as possible. I am praying for you. Lucky me he comes down with me and has me mute it every five minutes or so so that he can read some fascinating political thing or show me the latest angry cat video, which for those of you playing at home, I dont care about. These conversations sadden me so I just dont talk about it with them. He has failed us as his family. But then that means I suffer too! If he really gave one ounce of thought to the bills and rent and getting his shit together he would not have run through 7 jobs. Your partner really needs support. Angry. His brother in law, a hard working man, recently offered him a job which he declined. I wish you all the best, my heart goes out to you. Now the same old stories. i dont want my mom to get scolding from me because of my dad. What if he was employed for over 15 years with one employer, laid off due to lack of work, and employed again for one year; then quit that job?? Dear All Most of the time neither of us wants to do tedious things, and those conversations arent exactly fun, but usually we can come to some sort of agreement. Now he is not speaking to me because I had to point out that he completely blew off looking for a job for 6 months. He had a job, but no car and lived with a friend. Hes worked part time for 6 years for four hours a day, and had the occasional two to four month job and finish type job I always thought he was just real unlucky 25 years on I know realise that he manifested it all cause he really had no interest in working! i was very hurted myself. The love was only some movement which has passed. So he has these epic histrionics, I try to stay quiet no matter how much venom and nastiness he spews at me, and then he forgives me the next day. How about living with a chronically unemployed person who cant keep a job (always getting fired or quitting) who has no life outside of work? I feel so bad as my parents are paying for the majority of our wedding and they see that I am currently paying for everything else, and I fear that they then disapprove of him. Because, you just get a job. I guess what I am now contemplating is situational issues vs. character issues and I dont have my answer yet. I wouldnt categorize or suggest that youre lazy or unmotivated but you really need to take control of your own life and not depend on or blame others for why you arent getting a job to support yourself. In the begginingy family didnt accepted our relationship but then I started studying and m boyfriend also. Sick sick sick of abusive moochers. I dont think he understands how depressed and alone I am feeling. My partner has worked a total of 8 months in 4 years of being together, whenever I bring work up I get same reply anger and mood and Im throwing the fact I can get work due to my qualifications in his face. We will always survive. He owned a small carpet cleaning company and did okay with this the first 10 years of our marriage while i worked part-time and raised the babies. You can ditch your tried broaching the subject tactic and communicate better with your husband: Maybe this is right for our family, but it really bothers me that I was never part of the decision-making process. Dont rule out marriage counseling. on housework when their husband is unemployed. Maybe thats why hes so lazy? It might just be that your spouse values household work a lot less than you do and isnt interested in pitching in as much as youd like. This summer, his underemployed job is providing no hours, so just the side gigs and my (not substantial, nowhere near 6 figure) income are what were living on. I am tired. It seems like they wanted me not to work so they could call me lazy unmotivated a leech on society and all sorts of other things. Im angry, resentful, depressed and had enough. I have always handed over every penny I have worked for and he still only pays the bills when he really has too. Im sorry. I can barely be in the same room with him without becoming uncontrollably angry. I want to own a home and he literally laughs at that. If this is the case, you have a few choices. he was super kind but we didnt manage to communicate properly. Any thoughts readers? Why I am having to do that I dont know! I feel like our lives have gone on hold since his redundancy and even with my above average salary, financially we are going backwards. He just began school again after winter break and just yesterday he stayed he needs a break from things. So I made the very bold journey to the UK and stayed in a bedsit to see if I was employable here. I climb ladders to change light bulbs which I shouldn't be doing that bc of my back. We had a baby a year ago and he is also a great stepdad to my child from a previous marriage that was very short. My sister refused to ask him details (big mistake! How much longer do I wait before I can start living life for myself a little? A lot of times someone will get an interview and then get cut off at the knees where theyll need to cancel or reschedule and end up missing out on the job. Ive been in this relationship for 6 1/2 years and he hasnt worked a job for most of it..3 months here, almost 2 yrs of unemployment benefits ( which all through I was calmly pointing out isnt income but a benefit for hard times )then 3 months there and 6 months unemployed and not looking. Create creative dates, like cooking from scratch together; do an activity together on a regular basis, like volunteering; take a week-long vacation from talking and thinking about unemployment; have sex. That is plain sad. I am confused cuz I think he will spend his rest of the life like this. So first of all, do yourself a favor and give yourselfyour mind, body, and soula break. His lack of income always takes a lot of tine with the same result I am responsible for him as I am his partner although he claims we are separated. Or do you think a wife has more responsibility to do the household tasks? He is at home every day. I cant talk to friends or family about it because they will immediately tell me to leave him, but I dont know if I could risk the consequences of that. I feel most of the women in this blog complained for their unemployed partner is for : 1. I feel for all the ladies that are the bread winners as the husbands get to a stage that they just give up as they cannot get work. I am ready to move on and I told him. I dont think things are ever.going to change. Not just for yourself, for your family as well. ", Other women commented on the increased pressure they felt to make sure they kept their own jobs, even if it meant tolerating horrible bosses. Lmfao he has no friends, no money, hes too proud to go back to his parents. Likewise if I vent my frustration to my mother. I thought by this point in our relationship we would have changed or evolved. I hope this isnt the way he is either. I am not married to him. If he doesnt that means that he has little to no desire to help and support his wife. The more she gives up, the more I feel like all the carrying Ive been doing for the last 6 years was for nothing! All the best you Janet, and everyone on here. Although I has been working in office for long time. He told the guy he was thinking off keeping the business part time so he could also pursue his art! Take a vacation was the most absurd. He codes, I have seen him and he works all night learning and building his website. Go away and blast meI dont care. He held a steady, low paying job for about 4 of those years. This seems so unfair at times yet, all I can do is hold on to faith. I cut my own hair, sew clothes back together, skip meals (but I am overweight, so you would never know it. I have a successful company and already work more than full time, do all the work around the house and still make sure I am fully present and engaged with our daughter. It isnt fair. He doesnt even have a drivers license, Im usually the chauffeur for everything. Privacy Policy and I called the police. We live like Lodgers! I am guessing there were too many people. Unemployment places strain on a marital relationship for obvious reasons. When he goes for a job interview, he insists that he should get to drive my car because it will look better. Hubby and I were working as waiters but I was able to find an office job that pays for bills, he wanted to try his luck too but it didnt happen for him. So please, dont say, well, my husband does this and that and also works, etc I know that. Rather than passing judgement on them and their situations, why not help them out. Its unfortunate your mother was sick and you had to quit work to take care of her, but thats not the case with everyone. Oh yes, once in a blue moon during their 17-years marriage, my sisters husband earned some free-lancing income. But reading these comments of people who have been in similar situations- not to mention my husband has two kids, and i dont have any- i have been doing what i can to support my husband. Im like, are you kidding me!? After having read so many stories here , I think I can roughly classify the partner of unemployment husband of doing almost nothing at housework. I have been married to my husband for 21 years. I said yes because I thought it would only be a few weeks, few months tops. My husband has been busting his a$$ for nearly 2 years now and gets nothing but rejection letters, but Im behind him 1000%. I ask a couple of questions and he says the same thing promoting our movie. I have been supporting my boyfriend for nearly 4 years. I just wish I had enough courage to leave him. Im at my wits end. No one promised you or owes you anything. How did she go about her radiotherapy? ), Dont assume that your partner should just get it. Tell them its bothering you, Smith said. How to Get Your Husband to Do Housework Without Nagging Not an email. I have worked full time supporting us, even with our childrens births. All weve done lately us fight with one another. Were lucky, I guess, that he has SOME form of money coming in, but I cant get over the fact that this all happened so quickly. How long do I wait? and cheerleader to a traumatized, unsettled husband. I wish my situation was that easy. It will not get better and who wants to wait and see anyway?? Anything youd hire out if he were employed outside the home counts as money saved. To love unconditionally. Some what help.. And b****** at me when i complaint about it.. I didnt fight him as I had felt so grateful to him for helping me regain my health and having looked after me so much. I feel like I can never truly relax because Im always on guard for what his drinking episodes will tow. We have had Financial issues and when we have extra money he wont hire any help .. Only he can do the work right. -A. Ive been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years. Maybe you could stay with family.like your mom until you can get your own place. Same as your situation, we moved to a totally new city (and country) because of my family situation and my husband hasnt landed on a permanent job for quite a long time and that got him depressed even he didnt admit it at all. I will be thinking of you and wishing the best for you. I have been going through this lifestyle with my husband of 9 years and together for 18 Lord knows how long. I want to enjoy my life but it doesnt feel that way right now. Lesson use meditation and mindfulness to value your partner and get back to some employment and love yourself for that small step. What a huge mistake. But when Im the only one working for months on end, and I come home to a huge mountain of laundry that hasnt budged and hes sipping a beer watching the hockey game, I want to scream. Its been difficult waking up early to go to work and see him still in bed sleeping, although he has said he feels bad about this. Ive also been told that I should just go marry someone rich. Ive been feeling suicidle lately. I know thats unfair but I cant get past it. He says hes doing what hes doing for us and that we should be patient Its been 4 yrs, 4 yrs.. Ive been nothing but a gud and supporting wife for 4 yrs to a man trying to sell Gold, diamonds, oil and gas etc that he doesnt own to people he doesnt know. Thanks! 11 Ways to Cope with an Unemployed Husband - wikiHow Shes had interviews, a couple of job trials, but nothing has eventuated. Yeah I married a doctor and have been supporting him, my two daughters, and his two kids for 6 years On my sad teachers salary! Support your wife and kids as it should be! I am so tired and sad that we are barely managing despite mh good income. Im seriously starting to feel used. My husband and I been together 7 1/2 years, married 3 1/2 years. And you CAN do this. She has indicated that the 8 months without FT work has been too much on her and has caused her too much stress to the point where she cannot live with someone who has lost his confidence and cannot seem to find a job. But after less than a year of teaching she was completely burnt out. Im fed up and he tip toes around me. When you met this guy if he told you hey, I am always unemployed, my mom or a girlfriend always did my laundry and listened to my s****y stories and cleaned up after me and bailed me out of trouble,like leaving your job to go pick him up are you kidding me! Im so frustrated. I make good money but not enough to support us both and the two kids. He gets angry at ME for asking him how his job hunting is goingYou guysit has been FIVE ! Whatever you do, dont nag. Are these out of work for years men cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, getting the groceries, taking cars in for repairs, dealing with ANY and ALL issues having to do with home, raising the kids, going to their school functions, helping them with homework, etcetc..etc..?