Kroger Hr Manager Salary, Articles H

He could also stand some counselling, Im sure, but you need his buy-in for that. Learning new response skills can only help her overall situation. Thanks for your thoughtful self-awareness. Sometimes, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas because it was incredibly boring, like three days of being in windowless conference rooms. Not that it makes it ok, at all. He chose, and I repeat chose this lifestyle. Ultimately, a relationship cannot survive without trust. It doesnt seem like he has much ability to manage his own emotionshes unloading them on you to manage insteadand thats a skill all adults should learn, I think. There were plenty of women there without their husbands. So all the brothel skits on Reno 911 were a lie? Agreed. Either way, its important for both ofyou tocommunicate about such animportant issue sothat things dont escalate further than necessary. Gamboling is a type of frolicking around without a care in the world. No matter how cool your parents are, money always comes with obligations. But its a good idea to add in. Its not bad practice to not accept food or drink from strangers, or let your drink out of your sight at a bar, but Id worry about those things much less in Las Vegas than in a local bar. And while anxiety is common, abuse is even more so. And its going to be a problem in your relationship whether you go on the trip or not. I think the intent is clear, though; its that the nameless sources would object to their spouses going. Ive met plenty of kids who were never allowed to even play Go Fish because playing non-gambling card games could lead to gambling. If youre not going during SXSW or Austin City Limits, you can get hotel rooms consistently for less than $200 in Austin. It probably wont improve the relationship to say this directly to him, but it is definitely something to keep in mind. Abuse isnt as uncommon as you think it is. From the outside, his train of thought is totally irrational. Just a quick note to say can people please stop calling it abuse and then recommending marriage counselling in the same breath. The tipping point came when he suggested I find my boss a girlfriend you know, so Boss wouldnt be tempted to hit on me. Just my two cents. My husband got sent there on a business trip as well. It sounds harsh, but stop comforting him *in the moment*, stop giving him your attention. We of course send the Im here texts and goodnight and such. source: awkward . and getting an emergency beacon. My mom is the same way. Best of luck! Not because I felt unsafe (though I kind of did, but I could remind myself that was because of CSI and not because of logic) but mostly because it was also not clean enough for my standards and the savings werent worth it the amount of time I spent trying to get places. I have family in Henderson and go there every February to escape the snow. Yes, he needs to settle down, and no, Im not suggesting she sacrifice her career because he is stressed, but it really is BOTH their problem. Depending on your husband's interests and how often you plan to visit the parks, there may be a pass that suits his needs. Uncategorized ; June 21, 2022 husband doesn t want to go on family vacation . This is not helpful to the conversation, but seeing posts like this always remind me of a relationship I got out of many years ago (just 3 months before our wedding date!) Especially with comments like, I have anxiety and I would never act like this! Not everyones anxiety is the same. Youre going to DIE!. I dont gamble much. I was fine. Hope youre all right, OP. Thanks. A reader writes: My company sent managers to Las Vegas last February for a corporate business trip for three days. Los Vegas is known more for shows and EDM festivals than anything else these days. And I do like some gambling. My husband has been in counseling and on medication for his mental health. Conversely, if he came home with the same news, my response would be, Thats great! Thank you so much for your response! Vegas isnt a magical dimension. This is really weird and honestly, bordering on abusive (at the very least controlling). Lots to see and do. Its a him issue. There are tons of huge conferences that take place there all the time. Your man doesnt have much of an opinion of you, does he? I think (I hope!) Just on the wholesomeness scale, it tries way harder to be cool older brother than, say, Omaha or Iowa City. Sadly, that would be a culture that supports controlling behavior. Just that it might be (MIGHT) an explanation. If you're able to, I would think about flying. Yeah man, sure, that uh really sucks? Furthermore, Vegas ALSO markets itself as a family vacation and business conference destination. I guess it's doable, but I wouldn't do it. My in-laws (who I no longer speak to) freaked out when my wife and I got our current apartment because they found out it was across the street from the best Mexican restaurant in our city. Its really easy to say everyone else agrees (and they conveniently do so somewhere that you cant actually see/hear what they said), so anything that smacks of that strikes me as worthy of taking with a shakerfull of salt. I think its one of the things that makes our relationship so strong. There are people whose mind translates any answer all, from Hmm okayhow bout that Topic Changers vs. Distractors game? to NONONONONO! It totally IS. Give me a conference in Vegas any day. Doyou have any tips onbuilding trust, friendship, and respect with your partners family? Could also be a mix of the two, or something nobody has thought of yet. She has mentioned it makes her sad, but she takes the obey part of her vows very seriously. Of course shes going to say IM the one with a problem. I say this because I have a hard time believing that someone who had actually been to Vegas would hold these opinions about it honestly its not my favorite place because I find it too crazy and overstimulating, but I have never felt I was in any kind of danger. OH MY GOD your husband makes me so pissed. I think that marriage counseling is the right way to go. My own partner has no issue with me going out of state for geek conventions a couple times a year, with people Ive known longer than him, sometimes sharing mixed-gender rooms. Dont try totalk yourself into thinking that itdoesnt matter orthat they didnt mean anything byit. Anyway, TL;DR, there can be hope for these situations, despite what the commentariat here may imply. In summer it doesnt really get properly dark at all, and not until after midnight. Id say the chances are > 50% that this guy never asked anyone anything. Your baby may like the car but that is a long ride and a big change for LO so it'll be ok but may not be as smooth as your imagining. Because thats the only possible response to that stunt. If his anxiety is more travel related than trust related, there may besome reasonable actions you can take together to smooth them out. Ahh, I was wondering where he found all these friends. Or that he heard more agreement than was really being given by his friends? How to convince your partner, husband or wife to travel with you That said, in order to see them, we either have to travel to see them or they have to travel to see us. Did you say, thanks for confirming that I need to get away from you immediately & forever? Thats it. This gives me hope that one day Ill have that too! You should protect your son! None which should be affecting your ability to do your job. Its just worth knowing that having a long list of good traits doesnt mean you arent in a problematic relationship, or that you cant choose nope for your own emotional health. Im not diagnosing at all. Sometimes I am super jealous because he gets to go to some cool places (Tokyo, London), but I would never try to get him not to go. My associatons annual conference rotates between about six places, and even in big cities like Chicago and Philly we need to use three nearby hotels to have enough meeting rooms and hotel rooms. To give the LW the tools she needs to see if this is something she can work through to save her marriage and save her career. One woman I met recently on a week-long work trip said it was the longest time shed been apart from her husband in 15 years. This screams abuser and it will only get worse. I really dont care if you pitch a fit. Then disengage. Not all of the counties decided to legalize it, and as a result there is no legal prostitution in Las Vegas or Reno. The letter writer is inquiring about whether or not she should DTMFA someone who drumroll has clearly already broken up with her. The update is saying the opposite of what you think it does. Its notable that he took a of survey of other people to bolster his position. my husband doesn't want me to go on a business trip to Vegas I have been to Las Vegas many times over the years on business, including a few times when I was completely on my own without co-workers to hang with. He gets anxiety about it, but he doesnt try to stop me from going he knows it is part of my job. This is OPs husbands issue, not hers. Finally, I can think of far better places to hold business meetings like Atlanta you have to change planes here anyway, so why not?? etc.. For work, though, it is perfect. Ive never been on these more dangerous trips, though I almost had to travel to Congo last year (it ended up falling through). Shes too fair to be naked out in that desert sun.. Oh, every election season angry people show up at 538 to explain that a poll of their social group shows 100% agreement with OP on everything, and so clearly the official polls are generated by a Vast Conspiracy. Agreed! Good points. I dont much care for Vegas. OPs partners behavior is affecting her directly. As someone in the convention industry, Vegas puts a LOT of effort into being a top convention destination (low cost, lots of large all-in-one spaces, lots of options for event entertainment), and pretty much every industry will have events that rotate through there. Most of them suffer from anxiety and sensory issues so they think Vegas sounds terrible in practice. I deal with these irrational fears with a sort of ritual where I always leave people I love on a positive note and let them know how much I love them, since the thought is always running through my head that I may never see them again. Id be wondering if it isnt time to reconsider the marriage. Vegas is changing a lot of its marketing these days to bill itself more as a family destination and/or more sophisticated and all that. In my experience, OP, the best thing you can do to convince him counseling is the answer is to focus on YOU when youre talking to him. should I be so emotionally drained by managing? Bookings are open for June, July, and August family vacations in 2023, with per person prices starting at $3,699. Eventually I sat him down and said something along the lines of, Dude, youre stressing me out. Sounds great. His concerns are irrational, the trip is a reasonable expectation from your employer, and so you need to go and let him manage his feelings about it. I know right? In this case, it sounds like OP is bearing the brunt of the disagreement and shes doing the lions share of being patient and accommodating the husband hes not doing much work to accommodate her needs. AND that a little drinking and dancing and playing roulette (pick your game), or even a LOT of drinking and dancing and playing roulette, which is what many people do is Las Vegas, is not a particularly scandalous thing to many people. Could be true. There are some really great desert trails out there! My co-worker (who doesnt drink or gamble) went with their spouse a few months ago for a work conference. It turned out that this was part of a larger problem he would call her every ten minutes at her desk at work too, and if she didnt answer, he would have her paged over the intercom. OP can call out her husband by offering to buy a $1MM (or whatever number) life insurance policy for the duration of the vegas trip. Umm, so Im not sure how to say this in away that wont come off snarky, so let me apologize in advance for not be able to think of a good way to word this: This was not a questions for AAM. However, its crucial that he recognizes his behavior as a problem and is committed to fixing it. Im not so sure its abuse, to be honest. Also, if the OP is there for work, chances are shell be in meetings all day and then answering emails in her room at night. Seriously, I grew up in Las Vegas. Vegas and Orlando are excellent places for corporate retreats because theyre relatively cheap to fly to and theyre set up for this kind of thing. We live in an at-will dating society, where either party can end the relationship at any time, with or without cause and with or without notice. Whether anxiety is a contributing factor or not, thats all it is. I thought my mom was the only one like this. I agree hes not acting reasonably; but answers like therapy are a long-term solutions to an immediate problem. You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. How Vacations Can Help or Harm Your Relationship Clearly youve been abducted. We strive to provide you with a high quality community experience. He is not being reasonable or rational, so dont even try to engage with him as if he is. Updated: June 23, 2020. Does he worry about you when you go shopping alone, or when you work late at the office? Just last night I got home around sunset to find my wifes car in the driveway, the garage door open, all the lights off, and the house still and quiet. This is CONTROLLING and MANIPULATIVE behaviour. I think thats reasonable. Wow, that is some really scummy manipulation. Somehow everyone turns into a sexual predator after dark. It is not normal or rational. In Amish country. Either he socializes with very retrograde people, or hes snowing you when he tells you that hes enjoying full-throated unquestioning support of his attempt to stifle your career. On the flip side however, I do know some couples who havent spent a night apart in 20+ years. Me: I dunno, man, that seems pretty significant to me. Hahahaha! OP, I agree with the prior commenter who asked about your husbands travel experience. Counseling is the best and most realistic option for helping him get into a healthy head space. So we'd do 2 four- hr stretches with one long stop in btwn. Milkshakes there are ON POINT. The reason companies go there is because theres big convention centers and lots of cheap flights. Case in point: my father is terrified of everyone he loves dying and leaving him alone, to the point where I, as a 32 year old, was expected to text him and let him know when I left work, when I got home from work, if I was going out, if I was changing locations, etc. We walk through various casinos and gawk. Whether its legitimate is pretty much beside the point. Thats exactly what Im doing right now too and it will be so much better when I dont have to justify the work trip to my husband and I dont have to pander to his unfounded insecurities. She doesnt like it when I had lied to her but its alright to lie to me and Im not welcome to come along and stay in a another hotel. But its also wildly irrelevant in terms of a OPs business trip. Im going to Vegas and thats the end of discussion. On another note, with the amount of cameras in Vegas, kidnapping or any other untoward act would be fairly difficult if youre staying in populated areas. Be bored, and be boring: This is not a debate, this is a fact deal with it but stated calmly, not aggressively. Yes, this could actually be what he really is freaking out about, in my experience. And, this IS an us issue: his insecurities are damaging the relationship. Ive known many a controlling spouse, but most of them know to keep it in check when it comes to the providers job. .Im pretty sure my m-in-l would do that. My company had an annual meeting in Vegas a few years ago, that I wasnt important enough to attend, and I was crazy jealous. Yes, this. I think youre right, but I think just as often people jump to an abuse/controlling scenario when it involves a relationship. I cant imagine getting upset because he went on a business trip. In that couples case, I believe the wife was worried about being left alone at home, so the husband invited the wife to come with him on his trip, and at first she was planning to join him, but then her anxiety subsided and she decided to stay home and get together with friends in the hometown instead. It might even be a wonderful idea, under the right circumstances. You need to do this to protect your relationship, because frequent anger is corrosive and damaging. I actually agree that the comment section here can jump to that explanation a little too quickly and without anything in the letter to support it, but they arent in hysterics about it. Married people travel for work all the time, even to cities with a greater-than-their-fair-share amount of vices around, and they typically behave responsibly and stay faithful. However, she expresses that love with some convoluted discussion about the risk of driving a car 8 miles from our home to downtown. You have obviously not spent much time in New York City. How To Travel Alone Without Ruining Your Marriage! People understand the environment and are very vigilant about what is going on. I agree. An ex of mine and I were trying to be friends; he told me about a date he went on and I gave him my opinion (that he treated this woman like crap) and he was basically all, Nuh-unh! Itd be easy for the husband to dismiss the wifes concerns as Well SHE wants to cheat. I get heated at the principle of spouses letting each other do things. Counseling is a great start. If a person has surrounded themselves with a bunch of people that thinks its normal for one spouse to tell the other what they are/arent allowed to do, thats a beyond red flag. If you can get that sort of perspective before the trip, that would be great. I posted above about his great and powerful They. The Everybody who agrees with him. And his anxiety is HIS to manage, not hers. So its not like its all new. Just like someone might look for a spouse who is athletic or smart or has a certain sense of humor or earning power, it might be important that FutureSpouse has the skills to share a household with the in-laws. I was fine, nothing weird happened to me, but I wont stay off strip again. Dude she failed to mention that she hid pictures of her with mail strippers and lied about it and when I seen what pictures she showed me she dressed up better than she ever dresses at home. Answer (1 of 25): There could be a few reasons why a husband may not want to go out with his wife. Im all for giving your loved ones the name of the hotel youre staying at and checking in on a nightly basis (Ive done it myself) but if hes being controlling and/or anxious, there may be no amount of information that will be enough to assuage him. A three day annual business trip to any location is not an unreasonable expectation. When I was a teen, she wouldnt even let me walk the dog around our boring, gated community if it was dark out. Its really hard to say without getting into his mind. And, in those cases both parties may need to adjust their behavior and / or way that they communicate. What if he dies? The best parts of Vegas arent actually in town. But we had conversations where we discussed what I was doing to stay safe, and we had agreed upon methods of checking in (calling / texting at certain reasonable times, for example). Its stupid of me, I know. She didnt ask permission to go on a business trip this week, because I understand that her work travel is non-negotiable. So thats what Ive been doing wrong all these years! Mind you, I never told them that they shouldnt go (did tell my wife at the WTF? My husband is like this, perhaps to a slightly lesser extent. He wasnt healthy for me. Best of luck to you. As to the question of WHY businesses have meetings in Las Vegas, its because the hospitality industry there gets it. I agree with this- even if she were able to somehow get out of the trip without professional repercussions, Im quite sure he would find something else to stress about and restrict her from owing to these kinds of irrational fears. making sure your spouse is okay with big decisions that affect both of you isnt that unreasonable. Group Owners uphold the core values of the brand by reporting content that violates the community guidelines. pathfinder: wrath of the righteous ending slides. Close Menu. 27 Family Vacation Ideas for a Trip They'll Never Forget Regardless of how we got here, its a problem that we as a couple are facing because of how Im viewing things. He told me one day that the previous weekend, a few months before the upcoming wedding, his fiance broke up with him while they were sitting on the couch watching TV. Oh yeah, the concern for your safety. I didnt go on work trips while married to mine, but I remember going on a girls night out (bachelorette party, with a limo to take us places) and him being livid that I didnt call him during the evening to check in. Your stops will be longer because you'll have to take the baby out of the carseat for a little bit. Yep, this was one of my thoughts this might be a seriously overactive anxiety problem at work. Its in Las Vegass best interests to keep visitors safe. If I died while on travel, hed get an insurance payout and be able to live without working for X months; then he could remarry or move or whatnot. Im also someone that really tries to give the benefit of the doubt though. Your husband also seems really unduly anxious about Las Vegas. The whole letting her go thing could be controlling or abusive, but it could also refer less to physical ability to go there and more not letting her go in peace, or without a bunch of needy whining adult tantrums. Well, thank heaven theyre not all drug dealers too. And Im not talking rooms in crappy parts of town. I got sent there about a year and a half ago and I was thrilled (and my husband was happy for me). Seriously. On top of everything Allison said, it might work to show him how normal business travel to Las Vegas is. Im pretty sure most religious counselors would see the ridiculousness of his position too. Never! But instead of abuse and control and severely anxious the LW might be part of a cultural/ethnic subgroup where her role as breadwinner (and one that is doing well) that is a woman who is making more than husband is not the norm in her community and there is all sorts of talking/gossiping/pressure in the background at play. If the wife approaches it as a joint issue, that demonstrates goodwill rather than blame, and is more likely to get the husband into the therapists office. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation What happens in counseling is that the controlling spouse learns new language to gaslight and manipulate their partner with, and things get worse instead of better. When the plans were being made hubby was not over excited but was ok with it. Thats the weirdest part of it to me! Oh dear. If this resonates with you, OP, about your husbands behavior, something important to know is that there is no appeasing this line of thinking. On a larger scale, I see a couple of concerning things here. <3. My husband gets nervous whether Im traveling for business or just about town (granted, Im not the best driver). Just because some of the people in that culture are ok with it doesnt mean its magically not controlling behavior because its culture/religion. I was going to say this, the touristy areas and especially the casinos are crawling with security and cameras. Right!? I thought his friends were objecting to his stance and would even let their spouses go. (also, the remedy would normally be that both the wife and husband go to Vegas, not that the husband bans the business trip), I want to push back, snark, in case anyone else reading sees your comment and decides that couples isnt a good course of action because the issue is with one person in the couple.. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Marriage CounselingDefinitely. Youve never met them, but that doesnt mean that they dont exist. And have been wanting to take the Grand Canyon tour. -OPs husband, probably. When she would call back, he would accuse her of having left the office to sleep with someone else. I definitely do know what you mean, and what the OP describes is definitely on the problematic side of asking for permission she listed off reasons the husband has given that she shouldnt go to this particular place, not reasons why it would be logistically difficult for him or any other rational concerns. If OP and her husband are from perhaps a small conservative town and the husband has never been, theres a slim chance that hes reacting to this reputation.