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Thanks Buck for being brutally honest, I can relate to it and know how much painful it is, seeing your wife everyday but I cant even hold her because shell embarrass me with a comeback that all I want is sex and Ill get humiliated and will just eventually die inside. Does your wife struggle with self-love? We had a fantastic time learning each other and how to do it together! Empathy is about feeling her burdens and sitting with them instead of trying to solve them. I am fine with him pleasuring himself and even using porn is fine. If you are not communicating about this, nothing will change. I dont look my age at all! Around year 3 it was 1x week and that lasted another 5 when it became about 1x a week. She has her own retail business, which cash flows, but has hasnt turned a profit in the last 5 years. I can live with that, but I can not live with never being touched or made love to ever again. I have no issues with my performance and dont need ED meds. I have respected all she has asked and continue to do all I can to let her know I love and adore her. Help her through this transition andensure that she feels confident, no matter what changes her body has gone through. I feel like its just my life now. With a lot of talk and communication, we have made peace with our sex life. 2nd doctor also said the same thing. I am 64 now and have had some vaginal atrophy, which made penetration hurt, but I take a vaginal pill twice a week. I worked sat and sun all holidays and gave away vacation. I chose to stay just to piss my wife off. His experiences have taught him that being an honest friend who communicates well and giving importance to self-love can go a long way in maintaining loving relationships. I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. For me, its been 8x in 3 yearsand Ive tried talking about it with him as frequency has dwindled to essentially nothing. After 8.5 years in my sexless marriage, I almost found the phrase Youve both gone so long without sex together funny, though it is far from that. So not. Now ASAP get a life please. 4 Things to Teach Your Kids to Stand Up For, 5 Things Teens Need But Wont Ever Ask For, 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood, 20 Great Conversation Starters for Great Marriages. He worked constantly on the mid night shift away from me. She didnt. But keeping an open dialogue about your mutual wants and desires can improve your sex life tremendously. A lack of emotional connection can make it hard for women to establish physical intimacy, even with their own life partner. It will make you horny as hell, however. At 73, my 69 year old wife fits the descriptions you have provided to a T. Just replace you, the wife, with me, the husband. If men put in as much energy they put in sneaking around spending money on hookers and put all of his energy on his wife by taking 50% of the household chores and helping his wife out with the kids and having him spice up their sex lives you will see more action in the bedroom then before as long as you are sweet and loving towards her you will always get lucky. Cheers Rl. Got thru menopause with that help. If these thoughts are not at the forefront of your relational mind, well, your (our) love(s) and relationships may in fact die. Its only going to get worse. According to my research MOST sexless couple dont divorce. It is now marketers more to females also, which isnt improving relationships. I was being shipped out to Vietnam and we both were afraid of losing eachother. Thank you Jeff! So not only will your wife not want to touch you, but you probably wont want her to anymore. In good times, sex it a wonderful way to give and receive love. I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. She told me, a man should never get jealous of his wife f ing other men. What to about it: Have an earnest, exploratory conversation with each other about what sex means to you both as individuals, and then talk about how you can create a mutually satisfying sex life that works for both of you. Unfortunately, Buck Necked is correct. She would reluctantly use lubrication when I complained and promised to find a solution. I still love my wife dearly and I am committed to her but I have to take care of myself. My wife has offered to let me move on, the problem is I love her and everything else about our relationship. We tried and tried to get them to call us but their mother has convinced them that I am to blame for our sons death. You have put up with so much bull shit it is sickening. There are ways to maintain physical intimacy while someone undergoes treatment for ED. Whatever the case, do your best and work with your wife to restore that spark in your marriage. We men are not brain dead. That leaves us with so many perverts running around today inept at forming a real relationship, fantasy is in sadly. I always aimEd to please her with oral sex preceded by lots of massaging, rubbing, kissing etc. Hopefully I will die and be out of this misery. Feeling this discrepancyor feeling like your partner is always asking for sex when you don't want itcan make the lower-libido person feel pressured into having sex. Have affairs and visit escorts. . Also shes happy without sex after her hysterectomy and gal bladder surgery. Think back to the time when you were dating. I did a lot of stuff that I thought would make things easier for her. Its not as rosy on our side of the fence, when you really look into it. Meanwhile. I have no idea what to do. So.. Here are some reasons that your wife might never initiate getting intimate with you in the bedroom. I do not wish this upon anyone!!! I fail to see the point of continuing further. It is not fair that I have to take care of it by myself! The comments given above is very true. I always thought by the time I retired, I would have both the time and energy to truly connect sexually with my spouse without worrying about kids interrupting, getting up early for work or that sex had to be scheduled. I felt like she just gave me away to anyone emotionally and physically. Hi I think because I really enjoyed masturbating from my semenarche to marriage, I brought in a healthy way of looking at sex. My husband will not have sex with me anymore. My Wife Doesn't Touch Me Anymore (My Wife Is Not Affectionate To Me I NEED an active partner. We were both virgins when we married. No sex for about 20 years. In most cases, Ive seen that when one partner is depressed, after a period of time, the other starts to feel depressed as well. . I cant believe a respected Sex Therapist has Keep Masturbating as an answer. Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. Why would anyone want to have sex with your pessimistic, crotchety, excuse-ridden ass? I was sleep-deprived for the first four months, getting about three and half hours of sleep a night. Therapy will help you identify the issues underlying the lack of sex, teach you how to communicate more effectively, give you strategies for regaining your intimacy if shes willing, and tools for coping if shes not, and offer you the boost you need to work on your relationship. With so many of us in similar situations, it would be nice if we could just reshuffle the deck, at least in this one area. Shes sorry, but I love her and say its ok. The man in solitary pleasure can flavour his immediate physical sensation with the remembrance of shared pleasures, whereas the woman in giving but taking no pleasure in sex finds her memories of shared pleasure to be sullied. If your wife is avoiding sex, the emotional connect is missing, 5. You're correct about that. Ive tried all the normal things too. I feel very bitter about it and although there have been compensations in our marriage- children and now grandchildren I have found her lack of interest difficult to cope with. Her vagina is dry as a bone and she doesnt like penetration at all, either from me or her own fingers. She asked me to get castrated because Sex is hurting her. There is a lot more going on there. Is there any way I can help alleviate some of the stress she is feeling? I grew up ramming into me that Im there for husbands sole desire. Some nice and some angry! My wife weight has ballooned once the kids were born (25 years ago) And she has never wanted to lose it but just accept it. The scenario you posited is anything but. It will only create more distance between you. Be caring. Bull. So as partners age, sometimes we have to stop asking for what is too painful for them to give. Especially if you once had a healthy and active sex life. She said I was harassing her and that if I was so horny and needy, I should find someone else to relieve myself, but whatever, to stop harassing her. */ When we were young, we had sex every single day. Always happy to help. Thats it, you said it thats what the woman loves. Asking yourself such questions can help you on your way to a more active and satisfying sex life with your wife. i feel for you my spouse stopped being interested in sex 20 years ago at my age 51,for many years we had some extrem arguments and are still having them,,, to no avail what do you do. Its good for your general health, your sexual health and your sense of well-being. Now, for the past several months, we go to bed together and after I have fallen asleep, he starts masterbating and the shaking of the bed awakens me. If your wife doesnt feel attractive anymore, she may shy away from undressing in front of you. But I still feel that my wife is my one and only best friend and while I may be frustrated , I will always hold that more dear than anything else. There are books that can help guide you. 1. In the real world things are very different. Youre describing my dilemma to a tee. We are just roommates. And perhaps. , such as being secretive, avoiding you, or hitting the gym. Anything less is slow sewer side. I know that it sounds crazy but I never thought about it but that part of our problem came to a head after our 35 year old son (our only child) was killed in an on the job accident. When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? I just dont understand. She wasnt as attractive or as fine a dresser, and my adolescent mind didnt see her as the choice for my good looks. He was several yrs younger than me, Ive Never been married & Ive had a half dozen BFs or so. He has no desire. I say, screw your desire lol. BTWsome in your wifes position build great insurmountable resentment. So, before you start saying things like, My wife never touches me anymore, and misunderstand the problem that youre actually facing, its vital that you try to focus more on why your wife never initiates physical contact.